For starters, a couple weeks ago a man from my husband's squadron came by to put together my kids bunk beds. My husband has been gone since April and this guy got here in July, so we've never met and he knows nothing about us.... and in 2 minutes I was reminded so clearly why I don't get out much. The dialogue went something like this:
Him: So, are you making a list of things for your husband to do when he gets home?
Me: Nope, you and my parents (they had planned a quick trip to help me situate things) are getting all the stuff I need finished!
Him: No, I mean your list of things he has to do to make up for being gone and leaving you with the kids.
Me: I'll just be happy to have him home.
Him: Well I know, but he should like have to do all the diapers, cleaning, and take over so you can go on vacation for a few weeks.
What's sad is that this guy is married and has a couple kids... I'm pretty sure that I can guess what happens around his place after he gets home from an assignment! Unfortunately, I hear these types of statements a lot. What's confusing to me is why I should "punish" my husband for being away doing his job. He's been in the military for 9 years, this isn't anything new, I know what I signed up for, and his job provides for our family and I get to not only stay home but get supported in any and every endeavor my little heart and crazy head comes up with. Plus, despite insane days when everyone starts the day screaming and crying and mom's brain is about to explode... like today!... it's a privilege to raise my children and having my husband literally by my side while I do it is a way better gift then leaving everyone so I can go be alone. Keeping score makes me sick. I'm in a partnership with my husband and we each have our roles in our family that are supported regardless of geography.
My second item of confusion stems from a bit of frustration over time. I know I do stuff! However, today as I've been making baby food, shampooing couches, sweeping my patio, and striving to finish moving in before my husband gets home... almost in vain so it seems... I was finding myself annoyed that no one taught me how to keep a home! Sure I can clean everything and make it sparkly, but not in an entirety like I want. While I know some of you out there don't care for books like Laddie *cough* my mind rushed back to the description of their home and how they functioned as a family. The mom in that story had her stuff together! Yes, it's a story, but women before our time for the most part really had their stuff together (and yes, June Cleaver is my hero!) What happened! I'm getting rid of "things" in my home because clutter makes me nervous, but I SO don't have my act together! Once upon a time I'd like to say that at least my living room and kitchen were presentable even with a gaggle of small kids, but nowadays it goes from lovely to disaster in 2.5 seconds flat, and always minutes later someone shows up unexpectedly at the door! People see me as a strong, confident person, who's rarely shaken.... all it takes is my home in visual chaos and I'm a wreck! (Now you know my kryptonite :-D). Anyway, so I'm confused as to why I can't keep up with things the way I want. Yes, my kids help out. Yes, I'm taking the time to teach them what to do. Yes, they're little and it's okay to have messes... yah, that phrase still causes me to cringe/convulse when applied to my home... so not acceptable! Women before our time had way more back breaking labor (like more than take the clothes to the washer, add soap and push the button), and yet they not only had the pride of running their home but they stayed on top of it in ways that I've yet to master AND accomplished a lot more tasks. What gives??